Tried and True Tips for making it through the holidays without loved ones

As part of my ministry to the bereaved and broken hearted I will be sharing tried and true tips for getting through the holiday season without your loved ones.

Tip #1 for making it through the holidays if you are still grieving over the loss of a loved one by death or divorce. Be intentional about making plans for the holidays. They will sneak up on you before you know it and everyone will think that someone else has invited you over for the holidays and you will end up home ALONE!
Let others know that you have made NO PLANS this year! Intentionally pla...n to do things differently than you would have with the loved one so that your past happy family memories won't weigh you down mentally and emotionally during the holidays. Create new holiday traditions with the family you still have and if remembering loved ones gone is comforting to you then by all means talk about them! Take away tip: Intentionally plan for how you will spend this holiday.

Tip #2 for making it through the holidays without your loved one. Create a 9-1-1 list of family and friends you can call when the going gets tough with overwhelming thoughts and memories.

You don't want to "catch up" anybody new to your testimony. These are people who already know your story and can pick up where you are emotionally by just hearing you breathe on the phone! They know you, they kn...ow what going it alone means to you this year and they are willing to be there for you at the drop of a hat.

Your 911 list is your emergency contact list when panic sets in, when grief overtakes you, when loneliness in the midst of company resonates with you - these are the people who understand what you are going through without you having to explain.

Compile that name list, keep it handy, and on speed dial and let them know who else is on that list so that they can keep up with what is happening to and with you. You want your 911 list to know and talk to each other, they will pray for you, intercede for you and cover each other as they all stand by you on this grief journey.

Tip #3 for making it through the holidays without a loved one. The last tip I will share for this series is forgive youself! Yes, FORGIVE YOURSELF for not wanting to participate in the holiday ra-ra-ra. Everyone else around you is going full speed ahead with the hustle and bustle of the holiday traditions of shopping, parties, tree trimming and the like and you just ain't feeling it, right? So what! Allow yourself to experience your true emotions and don't fake the funk. You're not there this year and those who know you realize that this is a difficult time for you.

Everywhere you turn you are reminded that your family has changed and so will your memories of the holidays going forward. It takes time to digest just how far reaching your loss is for you and your family and you need to be gentle with yourself. The world has not stopped to recognize that all of us aren't celebrating and we need not "hate on them" for not remembering that, LOL. If you have followed me and my first two tips, now is the time to implement them along with this final tip to help you make it through this holiday season.

You have Christmas AND New Year's to get through still, be on the lookout for the same emotions to come up next week as we turn the calendar on a new year. Same emotions, different day, same principles need to be applied! Let me know how you are doing this holiday season by posting your comments below, thanks!

The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief

As I travel sharing my personal story of Triumph over Tragedy, these are The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief that I teach to others who want a 1-2-3 blueprint on how to walk out of their emotional pain.

1.      Make sure God is #1 in your life before you experience a crisis.

It’s harder to prioritize a relationship with Christ/God during a crisis, because you are mad with the One (God) that allowed the crisis to come into your life.

2.      Make sure you have a strong support system (a 911 list) to call for help.

Take the time now to nurture relationships that will sustain you in your crisis. These people will become your go to people when the going gets tough.

3.      Make sure your inner circle is filled with positive people.

Positive people will speak life and not death into your circumstances. They will help you to see the bright side or the rainbow in the situation.

4.      Make sure you cultivate an attitude of gratitude!

Meditate, discuss and focus on what you still have left, instead of what was lost or who is no longer here.

5.      Make sure you schedule alone time for yourself.

You need time alone to give yourself time, permission and space to grieve.  You need to process your thoughts, emotions, and develop your plan of action for what you will do next after your crisis is over. Praying is continuous at this stage for wisdom and direction.

6.      Make sure you watch your mouth!

Watch what you say out loud about your situation. You are creating the future of how the crisis will be resolved with your own words. Life and death comes from your speech.

7.      Make sure you appoint a gatekeeper.

Ask someone you trust to be in charge of your domestic cares to manage the traffic of guests, calls, visitors, food, etc. to relieve you of that task.

8.      Make sure you set a goal for yourself of learning something from this crisis.

Catch yourself before your thoughts and conversations make you bitter. Make a goal to become BETTER, not bitter! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

9.      Make sure you confess your stress!

Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about what you are going through. Tell it to Jesus – alone – He is the ONLY ONE who can handle your honesty and will keep your secrets.

10.  Make sure you find the treasure in your trial!

After you identify the treasure in your trial, this will become your motivation to press through the difficulties, pain, and heartaches you will endure. This treasure will give you courage to COME through instead of just going through your crisis.

We all know people who have never been the same after they experienced heart break and pain because of life. We usually refer to them as Auntie So-n-so or Uncle So-n-so who have never been the same since such-n-such happened! Right? I didn’t want to become part of that statistic, I knew I was drunk with grief but I was sober enough to NOT want that to be the end of my story. So, I summoned up the courage to find something worth living for and I found it in the Word of God!

I was left behind for a reason, my time was not up, I still had work to do on earth, I could do it on my own, and my God destiny did not include those who had passed on, jobs that were gone, people who were no longer a part of my circle, etc. etc.

I had everything I needed to make it through this grief journey deposited in me and all I needed to do was pull it up out of me! I wasn’t hopeless, helpless, or a victim anymore – I was a Victor! I chose to triumph over my tragedy; my tragedy didn’t have the power to define me! I shook myself loose from the depression and despair that hung on me like a sweater and dropped it on the floor. I decided to pick up the garment of praise and dance my way out of my tragedy!

Every negative thought was countered with a faith confession! I spoke the Word over myself and the Word began to define me, not my tragedy! I was freed and liberated by the spoken Word of God over my circumstances! I broke the cycle of grief and loss with the Word of God and The Holy Spirit coaching me through!

My message of hope and inspiration to others is, “You can overcome your grief and loss, too, if you want to!” God is no respecter of persons, what He has done for me is offered to you! Accept the work of His Son, Jesus, who has already won this fight – it’s fixed, you win! You win! Get up from the floor and fight back this depression, you already won this fixed fight! Jesus paid it all on the cross and by His stripes we are healed! 

Bernice’s riveting story is featured in her first book My #1 Is Still My #1! In her book she shares about losing half her family twice in two separate auto accidents. She also guides faith-based groups and families coping with profound loss to persevere and believe the unlimited possibilities, even in the face of unimaginable and tragic loss.

To learn more about Bernice Dickey visit http://www.BerniceBrightDickey.com and like her fan page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Author.Bernice.Dickey.

ONE BLESSING!

For some of you the harvest that you are shouting about is nothing compared to the future harvest that you are going to get. But because you are currently faithful over little, get ready for much because much is coming your way. The Bible says that He would "Pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it" (Malachi 3:10). You don't need 50 blessings, you just need ONE BLESSING!

God said that He would bring so much out of that ONE BLESSING that it would overflow out over the edges of your life because you won't have room to contain it! I declare that the ministry of My #1 will be laser focused to accomplish that which God has ordained it to do in the lives of His people. Amen!

Spiritual Revelation Through Conference Attendance

I just came off of two weeks straight of conference attendance and all I can say is that I am in AWE of God! Intensified, concentrated time with God should be a part of every believer's life. If you can do it with and along with others of like mind, it is incredible!

I attended the Kingdom Builder's Prayer Insitiute's Prayer Conference first and I experienced a spiritual shift that I didn't recognize was happening until after it happened. Has that ever happened to you? You didn't realize you were changed until AFTER it happened! I felt like the words to the song, "I looked at my hands and they looked new, I looked at my feet and they did too!" Be on the look out for nuggets of wisdom I will share from the Prayer Conference as I chew the cud on the revelations I received at that conference.

The second conference I attended was Woman Thou Art Loosed 2011 and this year God allowed me to volunteer behind the scenes and experiencing it from that perspective was eye opening! God allowed me to walk around and bless people who I saw needed a kind word and become a listening ear to those who needed to process all that had happened to them in that meeting. Many who attended stated it was their first time at a WTAL Conference and they could hardly stand it because the anointing was very heavy due to the Glory of God in the place! We could hardly speak because of the power of His presence and when we could do so, we could only grunt and shake our heads in awe! WOW, God, WOW! That's all I can say for now. That life changing experience will be one for the record books, I am sure of it! I am still shaking my head at it all as I await the DVDs to view what I missed and I was there!

Thank you Lord, for both of these "Kairos" experiences! I know they are preparations for the next level in my life and I am working out the revelations privately by fasting and praying before sharing them publicly!

My Latest Road Trip!

Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted!

I have been pondering how to share what I experienced this weekend on my road trip and so far, this is the best that I can come up with: 

What really counts? 

Money?  Insignificant!

What really matters?

A high number of book sales? I thought so!

What really counts then?

What has God given me? That's what I am responsible for.

What really matters then?

A saving Knowledge of Jesus Christ!!

As usual when I have a book signing, I set a goal of how many books I want to sell and this time was no different. With my goal in mind and my events planned out, I was sure to hit it this weekend, right? Right!

On the drive down, God  and I talked and I heard some things that I didn’t pay attention to before and knew this trip would be different, I just didn’t know how different! From the start I had a feeling this would be a breakthrough weekend for my hometown; I just didn’t know what to expect.

God showed up and out through the crowds that were just large enough for Him to walk among us and touch and heal hearts and minds that have been damaged by so much loss. The emotional healing that was available through our instant transparency with each other fostered this miracle. They were able to witness first hand my triumph after tragedy because I was there in the flesh and not just a story they read somewhere in the papers. Miriam was there, my family confirmed my testimony and shared their pain about my story and the healing began to flow! My hometown finally had someone who could identify with their multiple losses and who could attest to the faithfulness of God to keep you in the midst of multiple storms. 

That very anointing of God’s Spirit lead to my invite to the Troy Davis Memorial service where God used me again to refocus the audience on His Sovereignty in the midst of that tragedy. Sunday morning found us in the same spiritual vein when Pastor Webster preached from Philippians 3:8 where Paul counted everything he had accomplished before Christ as dog doo-doo compared to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ! WOW!

Three times the same message was confirmed to me that my assignment which God has given to me is not to sell a lot of books at book signings, but to make sure that all within my hearing know the saving Knowledge of Jesus Christ! My story aids me in this responsibility because it helps to bring the point home of the difference God made in my life, but the whole gist of it all is to bring everyone’s thoughts inward to themselves to make sure they are ready and prepared to meet their God and Maker when their time comes!

WOW! What a burden lifter that was for me! Every time I come back from a book signing one of the first questions I am asked is, “How many books did you sell?” My success was rated by how many books I sold and I thought so to until this weekend! I always had these anointed experiences where God used me to usher healing to my attendees but I never got to share that part because after I gave them a number they would say, “Oh well, better luck next time, you will sell more books or make your quota eventually!” 

I didn’t understand why those statements rubbed me the wrong way. I knew that the ministry of My #1 was successful just not by the terms they used. There has not been one time that I have ministered that the people were not healed and made whole. Everyone reports that either the book or listening to me share my testimony has delivered them from their spirit of heaviness and grief.  I give them a new perspective, God’s perspective, of the big picture that’s going on that they play a minor role in. It begins the renewing of their mind and leads them to where they can follow up and read on their own. The same God, who did it for me, will do the same for them, if they seek Him! 

I give them inspiration to hope again, to believe that their best is STILL yet to come in spite of the multiple losses they may have suffered and THAT to me IS A SUCCESSFUL BOOK SIGNING!

So from this point on, I will measure my success by the number of lives changed rather than books sold and I want you all to ask me for that number instead! BTW, that number was in the hundreds this weekend, I didn’t get to do an actual head count! J

Now to answer the original question posed of what really counts? 

Count your blessings, 

Name them one by one! 

Count your blessings,

See what the Lord has done!

Count your blessings, 

Name them one by one! 

Count your many blessings,

See what God has done!

Where will you go when all is lost? Who will you turn to?

We are all important, to Him; we are all of value to Him!

Make your decision now before the storms come and when it does you will know where to run to for safety! I am blessed to be your blessing, Love Bernice 

Labor Day Weekend Road Trip

The question was posed, "Did this trip meet my expectations for sales?" The
simple answer is 'no', I expected to sell 100 books and only sold 1. Yes (1) book, LOL!

But I still consider the road trip a success because of the safety and protection God
gave Miriam and I during the weekend in the middle of Tropical Storm Lee with two bald
tires.

I saw God show Himself strong on my behalf throughout the whole trip and was reminded
that even in the midst of a storm HE hides me! It rained in bands off and on the entire
weekend and I showed up for all of my scheduled events but the people didn't because of
the storm.

I was encouraged by the twelve souls that weathered the storm and joined church on Sunday
in the midst of the storm! Yes, you read that right, 12 people joined church on a dreary
rain soaked day at a church that meets in a tent! Those of us who braved the storm had a
wonderful praise that turned into worship service and God's presence filled that tent!

The church has met in a tent for 6 years ever since Hurricane Katrina and you can't tell
by the enthusiasm of the members during service that they realize they are in a tent! We
danced in the aisles and rejoiced in the tent that was our ark in the storm!

It was simply marvelous to behold and a reminder of the resiliency that I come from as a
NOLA native. I was comforted by the presence of God even in the midst of the storm and it
made me adjust my expectations of what a successful road trip meant. I wanted sales but
GOD showed me souls! Ain't that what it's really all about? TGBTG for transforming this
story for me!

I'm encouraged b/c all was rescheduled for next month and I'm expecting, I'm awaiting,
anticipating, my deliverance ~ My change is on the way!

Get Up And Walk!

Are you tired? Are you broken? Are you sick? Is your life just like a roller coaster that you just want off of? It's Time to get UP and Walk!

Join me and my guest, Jewels Staiger who knows what it's like to be so broken that getting out of bed is a chore.She knows what it's like to be so sick that you don't know if you are going to live and you are scared. She knows what it's like to just about lose all hope, when suddenly, something so amazing happens, that it takes a moment for you to realize that you've just experienced a genuine miracle!

Tune in as Jewels shares her story of how Jesus took her hand in His and enabled her To Get UP and Walk!

The Boaz Factor...When you are Ready for the Right One!

Looking for love? Hoped you would be a June bride by now? For women currently in a relationship, knowing who Boaz is will save your heart from putting in more time into something that will NOT materialize.You will be encouraged by my guest, Brenda Bradley's book The Boaz Factor...When you are Ready for the Right One!, which has been compared to Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man".  

During our interview, Brenda shares what are the signs of a Boaz man and why you can't turn your man into a Boaz! Tune in to listen as she makes the subject matter so simple that even a baby can understand it! When you are ready for the right one check this interview out!

You Never Get Over The Loss of a Child! Part 2

Join me as I talk to Joyce Adejumo about how her life changed after her ex husband drove drunk and crashed causing severe injury to their only child, Mitchie. Joyce shares how she used her own personal experience with drunk driving to motivate her to get several laws changed on behalf of victims here in Texas.

If you have ever been affected by a drunk driver you don’t want to miss part two of this very inspiring interview!

You Never Get Over The Loss of a Child!

Join me as I talk to Joyce Adejumo about how her life changed after her ex husband drove drunk and crashed causing severe injury to their only child, Mitchie. Joyce shares how she cared for Mitchie with a smile on her face for 18 years. If you have been affected by a drunk driver you don’t want to miss this one!

The Bigger Picture!

My guest, Kent Whitaker, has experienced the deepest depth of lows and the highest height of highs in the span of the last eight years. He was a victim of a home invasion that killed half his family and later found out that the mastermind behind it was his own son!. In his book, Murder By Family, he shares his journey through grief and loss, forgiveness of and love for his eldest son. Listen in on our conversation as I talk with Kent, he can really relate to my own story of triumph over tragedy because he is living that same transforming story!
Listen to Part 2 of my interview with Kent Whitaker and his new wife Tanya and their ministry Bigger Picture Ministries!

Forgiveness is a Choice!

My guest, Kent Whitaker, has experienced the deepest depth of lows and the highest height of highs in the span of the last eight years. He was a victim of a home invasion that killed half his family and later found out that the mastermind behind it was his own son!. In his book, Murder By Family, he shares his journey through grief and loss, forgiveness of and love for his eldest son. Listen in on our conversation as I talk with Kent, he can really relate to my own story of triumph over tragedy because he is living that same transforming story!

The Road to Divorce Recovery

Are you divorced? Has it been years since your divorce but you still have bitterness in your heart as a result of it? Today's guest, Nina Wilson Jones, of The New Directions Center will share her story and how she began her own journey to spiritual wholeness after divorce. If you want to know why she still carries her ex-husband's last name (Jones) tune in to this week's show to find out!

 

CHARACTER is Who You Are When No One Is Looking!

Please join me and my guest, Sherron Watkins, as she shares that her character was forged long before she became known as the Enron Whistle-blower. I was always curious to know how her faith shaped her decision to be the lone voice crying out in the wilderness that "the emperor had on no clothes". Her response was that she innocently thought that the boss man, Ken Lay, would want to know the truth about his company.

A Christian Response to a National Tragedy

Each week on my show, I share portions of my own transforming story of Triumph over Tragedy and invite my guests to tell their stories to encourage you, my listeners, to believe that you are not alone when you face tragic experiences. Today’s show will be different in light of the violent tragedy we experienced as a nation less than ten days ago in Tuscan, AZ. I purposely held back one week from responding to this tragedy because I didn’t want my response to get lost in the multitude of articles and sound bites regarding our national response to this tragedy.

I also wanted to see if there would be a definitive Christian response to this tragedy besides praying for the victim’s families. Prayer works, I don’t deny its power, but after the funerals on last week, the families are asking themselves, ‘Now what?’

Are You Emotionally Ready to Move Forward into 2011?

This holiday season has been very challenging for me for several reasons. In this interview, I share with transparency and authenticity how I have struggled through my own emotional triggers this month and how I decided to move foward (again) in spite of them. Dr. Carolyn Miller, who is also a personal friend, and I talked about the recent deaths of loved ones in my family, along with Miriam making 10 years old and how I underestimated their impact on me.

I share candidly and openly with the listening audience, the process I worked through to gain insight about my emotional issues and how I arrived at the decision to go back into therapy for a season to help me reconcile them. I had to recognize there was a problem before I could confront it. I pray that if you identify with me in this interview that you follow my example and get the help you need to move forward emotionally in 2011!