The Three Love Affairs of BBD

The love affair between Bern and her husband - 1989.

* Prayed that God would reveal our mates by Memorial Day/his birthday that year!

* Had known of each other for four years from the same friend circle.

* God opened our natural eyes to see each other as more than friends.

* I waited for him to make the first move, after he did, I responded!

* On our first date he proposed, I accepted, we double dated for a month then got 

married!

* We were married 12 1/2 years when tragedy struck and changed my life forever.

The love affair between Bern and her Lord - 2002.

* After realizing the love of my life was dead along with my firstborn, I had to 

determine who REALLY was my #1 love!

* After determining that my #1 love (God) was still with me, I knew I could and would make it through!

* I decided to become a model and living witness of the power of God to enable us to come through and not just go through the things that He allows in our life.

* As I kept that mantra before me of God giving us everything we need to not only go 

through but come through the trials of our faith, I believed I could and would and did this very hard thing!

The Love Affair between Bern and her God - 2009/2010

* God prompted me to write my story as a guide for others to follow that inspires and encourages them to know that they can make it too!

* Life is NOT OVER just because you've suffered a tragic setback!

* With God as our ultimate life coach we can make it through everything He allows to happen in our lives.

What heartbreak has God allowed in your life?

Where are you in that grief journey?

Still sore, bitter or better?

Let me tell you about My #1 and why His being My #1 kept me from losing my mind after all seemed lost. 

My husband was NOT my #1!

My children were NOT my #1! 

My job was NOT my #1! 

My #1 Is Still My #1! and because He is, I'm still here! Hallelujah! Have you figured it

out yet? GOD has been and still is My #1!

It's not always been so, but after I reordered my priorities after the death of both my

parents, I was straight and more prepared the second time I lost half my family in a car accident. Yes, you heard me right, the second time in one lifetime, to the same person! Twice in a my lifetime! What in the world?!

Today, if you received that kind of news what would be your first reaction? (WFA) I did all of that, what next? How would you plan to move on? Could you move on?

Let me share three of the ten principles found in my book, My #1 Is Still My #1! that can help you to survive the darkest night of your soul...

1) Make sure that God is #1 in your life before a crisis cones into your life!

2) Create a 911 list of people who know how to pray and will go to war in spiritual

battle for your soul!

3) Appoint a gatekeeper for access to you! This person will answer phone calls, the door and all repetitive questions for you from family and friends.

You will weary from the emotional drain if you don't plan to do these 3 things ahead of time!

Remember The Sabbath, Keep It Holy!

I TAKE a sabbath day of rest every week! God created us to work six days and take one day off to rest. When we go against that principle we get stressed out and exhausted. Ever since I began practicing this principle, I've felt like I can manage my schedule and better prioritize what needs to get done because I can think more clearly after resting.

What got me in the habit of consistently TAKING my sabbath day of rest was a major life event that caused me to change my outlook on life and to make some major changes to protect my health. Life's demands on me had caused me to run 25/8 (not 24/7) full throttle, because I felt I HAD to do it all in order to get it all done!

I worked overtime. I worked constantly. I worked long and hard over a long period of time (five years) and my body went on strike and WOULD NOT COMPLY ANYMORE with the demands I had placed on myself. I had forsaken my sabbath day of rest for the illusion of getting more done and it was a LIE!!! I was (medically) forced to go lay down somewhere for many months due to the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion I had experienced and eventually had to retire from that very stressful job.

I had to get back to the basics of my instruction manual on life! God created us to work 6 days and rest 1 day on a weekly cycle, that's how we were designed! When we don't comply, we become ill, sick, bodies broke down, etc. as our bodies DEMAND the rest it needs to repair itself. When we are sick we slow down, take to our beds and sleep and rest until we get better. Our bodies are saying if we would only do this on a weekly basis, consistently, then "we (our bodies) wouldn't have to shut you down with sickness and disease in order to force you to give us time to REST!!"

MORAL of the story? Schedule and TAKE your SABBATH weekly! Do a word study on the meaning of sabbath and make a personal application to your life. Practice keeping the sabbath, it's the ONLY DAY that God commanded (10 Commandments) for us to keep HOLY! I can't wait to read your praise reports of living a more balanced life after becoming a SABBATH KEEPER! God WILL redeem time on your behalf and enable you to accomplish more in six days than you ever did in seven. It's the same principle that's in effect with tithing. Give God His 10% off the top and He makes sure that the remaining 90% that's left over covers all your expenses and more! Remember the sabbath, keep it holy, because our obedience to God's life principles produces prosperity in every aspect of our lives.

Again I say YOU MUST TAKE THE TIME TO DO THIS or you will forever feel overwhelmed, trust me - I'm older and wiser! ♥

This Testimony is REAL and Ongoing!

One of the side effects of losing half our family at one time in a car accident is the anxiety that Miriam has to hurry up and do it all before something bad happens. She wants to do everything at once, but I'm teaching her how to pace herself because we WILL have time to do it all. It's an emotional scar that I deal with daily and I try to coax her to trust God in this area as often as I can.

My testimony about the loss of half my family is MY testimony. Miriam is determining if it is hers. WOW! She is developing her OWN testimony about it and needs to vet it for herself!!! We are in transition and I'm rooting for her to COME through this just like I encourage others through the ministry of  the book My #1 Is Still My#1!

Everyday that Miriam lives she realizes that she has OUTLIVED her sister and from this point on she's leading a life that Naomi never did or will. I never realized the weight of that fact on her heart and mind. Help me to minister to my OWN child LORD as she goes through this stage in her grief and loss. WE NEED your prayer support, thanks! When I get this right she will be saved from a lifetime of unresolved grief and living healed and whole because of it! We will then be able to minister to other children and show them the way out too! GLORY!!!

What I share with you all in my posts are the day to day challenges of raising a child affected by tragedy at a very young age and how we are walking it out daily. I am encouraged for today is a good day!

What A Difference A Decade Makes!

This month 10 years ago my life changed dramatically! I lost my husband and eldest daughter in a car accident and my only surviving daughter, Miriam, was left with second and third degree burns. She was miraculously healed of her burn scars and I now live with a daily reminder of God's Grace and Mercy towards me! It has been a long journey towards recovery from grief and depression but TO GOD BE THE GLORY for transforming my story!

I'm writing this to encourage you to believe and have FAITH that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we even know to think to ask of Him! He has healed my damaged emotions, kept me in my right mind and allowed me to be a stay at home Mom with my daughter. I have experienced multiple blessings over the years, too many to share in one post. I do share a few of them in my book, My #1 Is Still My #1!, which is my inspirational story of triumph over tragedy. This book offers hope to the hopeless, strength to the weak and a "how to" blueprint on moving through grief and loss. You can order it from my website at http://www.bernicebrightdickey.com/.

In celebration of the ten year anniversary God has allowed me several speaking engagements during the month of February. I will be speaking at several venues about how I overcame grief and loss and I invite you to come out and support me if you are in the Houston area. I will be posting them weekly on all social media platforms. Thank you in advance for your support now and down through the years!!

Tried and True Tips for making it through the holidays without loved ones

As part of my ministry to the bereaved and broken hearted I will be sharing tried and true tips for getting through the holiday season without your loved ones.

Tip #1 for making it through the holidays if you are still grieving over the loss of a loved one by death or divorce. Be intentional about making plans for the holidays. They will sneak up on you before you know it and everyone will think that someone else has invited you over for the holidays and you will end up home ALONE!
Let others know that you have made NO PLANS this year! Intentionally pla...n to do things differently than you would have with the loved one so that your past happy family memories won't weigh you down mentally and emotionally during the holidays. Create new holiday traditions with the family you still have and if remembering loved ones gone is comforting to you then by all means talk about them! Take away tip: Intentionally plan for how you will spend this holiday.

Tip #2 for making it through the holidays without your loved one. Create a 9-1-1 list of family and friends you can call when the going gets tough with overwhelming thoughts and memories.

You don't want to "catch up" anybody new to your testimony. These are people who already know your story and can pick up where you are emotionally by just hearing you breathe on the phone! They know you, they kn...ow what going it alone means to you this year and they are willing to be there for you at the drop of a hat.

Your 911 list is your emergency contact list when panic sets in, when grief overtakes you, when loneliness in the midst of company resonates with you - these are the people who understand what you are going through without you having to explain.

Compile that name list, keep it handy, and on speed dial and let them know who else is on that list so that they can keep up with what is happening to and with you. You want your 911 list to know and talk to each other, they will pray for you, intercede for you and cover each other as they all stand by you on this grief journey.

Tip #3 for making it through the holidays without a loved one. The last tip I will share for this series is forgive youself! Yes, FORGIVE YOURSELF for not wanting to participate in the holiday ra-ra-ra. Everyone else around you is going full speed ahead with the hustle and bustle of the holiday traditions of shopping, parties, tree trimming and the like and you just ain't feeling it, right? So what! Allow yourself to experience your true emotions and don't fake the funk. You're not there this year and those who know you realize that this is a difficult time for you.

Everywhere you turn you are reminded that your family has changed and so will your memories of the holidays going forward. It takes time to digest just how far reaching your loss is for you and your family and you need to be gentle with yourself. The world has not stopped to recognize that all of us aren't celebrating and we need not "hate on them" for not remembering that, LOL. If you have followed me and my first two tips, now is the time to implement them along with this final tip to help you make it through this holiday season.

You have Christmas AND New Year's to get through still, be on the lookout for the same emotions to come up next week as we turn the calendar on a new year. Same emotions, different day, same principles need to be applied! Let me know how you are doing this holiday season by posting your comments below, thanks!

The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief

As I travel sharing my personal story of Triumph over Tragedy, these are The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief that I teach to others who want a 1-2-3 blueprint on how to walk out of their emotional pain.

1.      Make sure God is #1 in your life before you experience a crisis.

It’s harder to prioritize a relationship with Christ/God during a crisis, because you are mad with the One (God) that allowed the crisis to come into your life.

2.      Make sure you have a strong support system (a 911 list) to call for help.

Take the time now to nurture relationships that will sustain you in your crisis. These people will become your go to people when the going gets tough.

3.      Make sure your inner circle is filled with positive people.

Positive people will speak life and not death into your circumstances. They will help you to see the bright side or the rainbow in the situation.

4.      Make sure you cultivate an attitude of gratitude!

Meditate, discuss and focus on what you still have left, instead of what was lost or who is no longer here.

5.      Make sure you schedule alone time for yourself.

You need time alone to give yourself time, permission and space to grieve.  You need to process your thoughts, emotions, and develop your plan of action for what you will do next after your crisis is over. Praying is continuous at this stage for wisdom and direction.

6.      Make sure you watch your mouth!

Watch what you say out loud about your situation. You are creating the future of how the crisis will be resolved with your own words. Life and death comes from your speech.

7.      Make sure you appoint a gatekeeper.

Ask someone you trust to be in charge of your domestic cares to manage the traffic of guests, calls, visitors, food, etc. to relieve you of that task.

8.      Make sure you set a goal for yourself of learning something from this crisis.

Catch yourself before your thoughts and conversations make you bitter. Make a goal to become BETTER, not bitter! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

9.      Make sure you confess your stress!

Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about what you are going through. Tell it to Jesus – alone – He is the ONLY ONE who can handle your honesty and will keep your secrets.

10.  Make sure you find the treasure in your trial!

After you identify the treasure in your trial, this will become your motivation to press through the difficulties, pain, and heartaches you will endure. This treasure will give you courage to COME through instead of just going through your crisis.

We all know people who have never been the same after they experienced heart break and pain because of life. We usually refer to them as Auntie So-n-so or Uncle So-n-so who have never been the same since such-n-such happened! Right? I didn’t want to become part of that statistic, I knew I was drunk with grief but I was sober enough to NOT want that to be the end of my story. So, I summoned up the courage to find something worth living for and I found it in the Word of God!

I was left behind for a reason, my time was not up, I still had work to do on earth, I could do it on my own, and my God destiny did not include those who had passed on, jobs that were gone, people who were no longer a part of my circle, etc. etc.

I had everything I needed to make it through this grief journey deposited in me and all I needed to do was pull it up out of me! I wasn’t hopeless, helpless, or a victim anymore – I was a Victor! I chose to triumph over my tragedy; my tragedy didn’t have the power to define me! I shook myself loose from the depression and despair that hung on me like a sweater and dropped it on the floor. I decided to pick up the garment of praise and dance my way out of my tragedy!

Every negative thought was countered with a faith confession! I spoke the Word over myself and the Word began to define me, not my tragedy! I was freed and liberated by the spoken Word of God over my circumstances! I broke the cycle of grief and loss with the Word of God and The Holy Spirit coaching me through!

My message of hope and inspiration to others is, “You can overcome your grief and loss, too, if you want to!” God is no respecter of persons, what He has done for me is offered to you! Accept the work of His Son, Jesus, who has already won this fight – it’s fixed, you win! You win! Get up from the floor and fight back this depression, you already won this fixed fight! Jesus paid it all on the cross and by His stripes we are healed! 

Bernice’s riveting story is featured in her first book My #1 Is Still My #1! In her book she shares about losing half her family twice in two separate auto accidents. She also guides faith-based groups and families coping with profound loss to persevere and believe the unlimited possibilities, even in the face of unimaginable and tragic loss.

To learn more about Bernice Dickey visit http://www.BerniceBrightDickey.com and like her fan page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Author.Bernice.Dickey.

ONE BLESSING!

For some of you the harvest that you are shouting about is nothing compared to the future harvest that you are going to get. But because you are currently faithful over little, get ready for much because much is coming your way. The Bible says that He would "Pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it" (Malachi 3:10). You don't need 50 blessings, you just need ONE BLESSING!

God said that He would bring so much out of that ONE BLESSING that it would overflow out over the edges of your life because you won't have room to contain it! I declare that the ministry of My #1 will be laser focused to accomplish that which God has ordained it to do in the lives of His people. Amen!

Labor Day Weekend Road Trip

The question was posed, "Did this trip meet my expectations for sales?" The
simple answer is 'no', I expected to sell 100 books and only sold 1. Yes (1) book, LOL!

But I still consider the road trip a success because of the safety and protection God
gave Miriam and I during the weekend in the middle of Tropical Storm Lee with two bald
tires.

I saw God show Himself strong on my behalf throughout the whole trip and was reminded
that even in the midst of a storm HE hides me! It rained in bands off and on the entire
weekend and I showed up for all of my scheduled events but the people didn't because of
the storm.

I was encouraged by the twelve souls that weathered the storm and joined church on Sunday
in the midst of the storm! Yes, you read that right, 12 people joined church on a dreary
rain soaked day at a church that meets in a tent! Those of us who braved the storm had a
wonderful praise that turned into worship service and God's presence filled that tent!

The church has met in a tent for 6 years ever since Hurricane Katrina and you can't tell
by the enthusiasm of the members during service that they realize they are in a tent! We
danced in the aisles and rejoiced in the tent that was our ark in the storm!

It was simply marvelous to behold and a reminder of the resiliency that I come from as a
NOLA native. I was comforted by the presence of God even in the midst of the storm and it
made me adjust my expectations of what a successful road trip meant. I wanted sales but
GOD showed me souls! Ain't that what it's really all about? TGBTG for transforming this
story for me!

I'm encouraged b/c all was rescheduled for next month and I'm expecting, I'm awaiting,
anticipating, my deliverance ~ My change is on the way!

Get Up And Walk!

Are you tired? Are you broken? Are you sick? Is your life just like a roller coaster that you just want off of? It's Time to get UP and Walk!

Join me and my guest, Jewels Staiger who knows what it's like to be so broken that getting out of bed is a chore.She knows what it's like to be so sick that you don't know if you are going to live and you are scared. She knows what it's like to just about lose all hope, when suddenly, something so amazing happens, that it takes a moment for you to realize that you've just experienced a genuine miracle!

Tune in as Jewels shares her story of how Jesus took her hand in His and enabled her To Get UP and Walk!

The Boaz Factor...When you are Ready for the Right One!

Looking for love? Hoped you would be a June bride by now? For women currently in a relationship, knowing who Boaz is will save your heart from putting in more time into something that will NOT materialize.You will be encouraged by my guest, Brenda Bradley's book The Boaz Factor...When you are Ready for the Right One!, which has been compared to Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man".  

During our interview, Brenda shares what are the signs of a Boaz man and why you can't turn your man into a Boaz! Tune in to listen as she makes the subject matter so simple that even a baby can understand it! When you are ready for the right one check this interview out!

You Never Get Over The Loss of a Child! Part 2

Join me as I talk to Joyce Adejumo about how her life changed after her ex husband drove drunk and crashed causing severe injury to their only child, Mitchie. Joyce shares how she used her own personal experience with drunk driving to motivate her to get several laws changed on behalf of victims here in Texas.

If you have ever been affected by a drunk driver you don’t want to miss part two of this very inspiring interview!

You Never Get Over The Loss of a Child!

Join me as I talk to Joyce Adejumo about how her life changed after her ex husband drove drunk and crashed causing severe injury to their only child, Mitchie. Joyce shares how she cared for Mitchie with a smile on her face for 18 years. If you have been affected by a drunk driver you don’t want to miss this one!

Forgiveness is a Choice!

My guest, Kent Whitaker, has experienced the deepest depth of lows and the highest height of highs in the span of the last eight years. He was a victim of a home invasion that killed half his family and later found out that the mastermind behind it was his own son!. In his book, Murder By Family, he shares his journey through grief and loss, forgiveness of and love for his eldest son. Listen in on our conversation as I talk with Kent, he can really relate to my own story of triumph over tragedy because he is living that same transforming story!

CHARACTER is Who You Are When No One Is Looking!

Please join me and my guest, Sherron Watkins, as she shares that her character was forged long before she became known as the Enron Whistle-blower. I was always curious to know how her faith shaped her decision to be the lone voice crying out in the wilderness that "the emperor had on no clothes". Her response was that she innocently thought that the boss man, Ken Lay, would want to know the truth about his company.

A Christian Response to a National Tragedy

Each week on my show, I share portions of my own transforming story of Triumph over Tragedy and invite my guests to tell their stories to encourage you, my listeners, to believe that you are not alone when you face tragic experiences. Today’s show will be different in light of the violent tragedy we experienced as a nation less than ten days ago in Tuscan, AZ. I purposely held back one week from responding to this tragedy because I didn’t want my response to get lost in the multitude of articles and sound bites regarding our national response to this tragedy.

I also wanted to see if there would be a definitive Christian response to this tragedy besides praying for the victim’s families. Prayer works, I don’t deny its power, but after the funerals on last week, the families are asking themselves, ‘Now what?’

Are You Emotionally Ready to Move Forward into 2011?

This holiday season has been very challenging for me for several reasons. In this interview, I share with transparency and authenticity how I have struggled through my own emotional triggers this month and how I decided to move foward (again) in spite of them. Dr. Carolyn Miller, who is also a personal friend, and I talked about the recent deaths of loved ones in my family, along with Miriam making 10 years old and how I underestimated their impact on me.

I share candidly and openly with the listening audience, the process I worked through to gain insight about my emotional issues and how I arrived at the decision to go back into therapy for a season to help me reconcile them. I had to recognize there was a problem before I could confront it. I pray that if you identify with me in this interview that you follow my example and get the help you need to move forward emotionally in 2011!

How To Bounce Back From Setbacks!

This past weekend I facilitated a city-wide Handling Grief and Loss during the Holidays Seminar that was open and free to the public. The experience was awesome because everyone was bereaved that attended this seminar and they all received a breakthrough and healing in their grief journeys. I was so overwhelmed by the positive comments and feedback that I received from the attendees that I invited a few of them from that seminar as guests on the show today.

Their comments and posts on the FB Fan page for ‘My #1 Is Still My #1!’ inspired the idea for me to have them on the show as guests so that you all can hear them testify from their own mouths of the emotional healing ministry that the book, “My #1 Is Still My #1!” has made in their lives. I wanted them to share the breakthroughs they received as a result of participating in my grief and loss seminar. I believe there is an unseen, all powerful source in the person of GOD who will walk you through your crisis if you submit to the process.

To God Be The Glory for empowering these attendees to break out from the spirit of heaviness they were living with!

My Daddy, The Devil and Me

Author Debra A. Davis' own true harrowing story will turn everything you think you know about incest upside down. How can someone you trust and adore brainwash you and turn you into something you are not? Debra Davis thought she was Daddy’s little girl—but, at age 15, Daddy’s little girl became Daddy’s lover and slave. Led by her father into a violent life of crime, she became a prostitute, drug addict, victim of physical abuse, and prison inmate. She nearly murdered her father one night… but she never stopped loving him.

This is anything but an ordinary autobiography. Join me and my guest Debra Davis as she shares why she kept a dark and dirty secret for 21 years—and then, at last, she broke free. You’ve never heard anything like this before!

The Silent Scream of ANGER!

Have you ever looked at your spouse and asked, 'What is wrong with you?' You know that what they are struggling with has nothing to do with you, but you still don't understand their problem. Certain holidays trigger emotional turmoil for them and when you inquire they can't explain it themselves.

 

Today's guest, Howard Eaves, shares some insight on the "Silent Scream" he struggled with for years before he overcame the anger he had for his mom after she became a drug addict when he was 6 years old. His reaction to her addiction was to intentionally numb his emotions and not feel anything for her for 36 years.

 

Listen in as Howard shares the journey God took him on to reconnect with his childhood emotional pain to finally learn how to honor his mother!