This Testimony is REAL and Ongoing!

One of the side effects of losing half our family at one time in a car accident is the anxiety that Miriam has to hurry up and do it all before something bad happens. She wants to do everything at once, but I'm teaching her how to pace herself because we WILL have time to do it all. It's an emotional scar that I deal with daily and I try to coax her to trust God in this area as often as I can.

My testimony about the loss of half my family is MY testimony. Miriam is determining if it is hers. WOW! She is developing her OWN testimony about it and needs to vet it for herself!!! We are in transition and I'm rooting for her to COME through this just like I encourage others through the ministry of  the book My #1 Is Still My#1!

Everyday that Miriam lives she realizes that she has OUTLIVED her sister and from this point on she's leading a life that Naomi never did or will. I never realized the weight of that fact on her heart and mind. Help me to minister to my OWN child LORD as she goes through this stage in her grief and loss. WE NEED your prayer support, thanks! When I get this right she will be saved from a lifetime of unresolved grief and living healed and whole because of it! We will then be able to minister to other children and show them the way out too! GLORY!!!

What I share with you all in my posts are the day to day challenges of raising a child affected by tragedy at a very young age and how we are walking it out daily. I am encouraged for today is a good day!

Tried and True Tips for making it through the holidays without loved ones

As part of my ministry to the bereaved and broken hearted I will be sharing tried and true tips for getting through the holiday season without your loved ones.

Tip #1 for making it through the holidays if you are still grieving over the loss of a loved one by death or divorce. Be intentional about making plans for the holidays. They will sneak up on you before you know it and everyone will think that someone else has invited you over for the holidays and you will end up home ALONE!
Let others know that you have made NO PLANS this year! Intentionally pla...n to do things differently than you would have with the loved one so that your past happy family memories won't weigh you down mentally and emotionally during the holidays. Create new holiday traditions with the family you still have and if remembering loved ones gone is comforting to you then by all means talk about them! Take away tip: Intentionally plan for how you will spend this holiday.

Tip #2 for making it through the holidays without your loved one. Create a 9-1-1 list of family and friends you can call when the going gets tough with overwhelming thoughts and memories.

You don't want to "catch up" anybody new to your testimony. These are people who already know your story and can pick up where you are emotionally by just hearing you breathe on the phone! They know you, they kn...ow what going it alone means to you this year and they are willing to be there for you at the drop of a hat.

Your 911 list is your emergency contact list when panic sets in, when grief overtakes you, when loneliness in the midst of company resonates with you - these are the people who understand what you are going through without you having to explain.

Compile that name list, keep it handy, and on speed dial and let them know who else is on that list so that they can keep up with what is happening to and with you. You want your 911 list to know and talk to each other, they will pray for you, intercede for you and cover each other as they all stand by you on this grief journey.

Tip #3 for making it through the holidays without a loved one. The last tip I will share for this series is forgive youself! Yes, FORGIVE YOURSELF for not wanting to participate in the holiday ra-ra-ra. Everyone else around you is going full speed ahead with the hustle and bustle of the holiday traditions of shopping, parties, tree trimming and the like and you just ain't feeling it, right? So what! Allow yourself to experience your true emotions and don't fake the funk. You're not there this year and those who know you realize that this is a difficult time for you.

Everywhere you turn you are reminded that your family has changed and so will your memories of the holidays going forward. It takes time to digest just how far reaching your loss is for you and your family and you need to be gentle with yourself. The world has not stopped to recognize that all of us aren't celebrating and we need not "hate on them" for not remembering that, LOL. If you have followed me and my first two tips, now is the time to implement them along with this final tip to help you make it through this holiday season.

You have Christmas AND New Year's to get through still, be on the lookout for the same emotions to come up next week as we turn the calendar on a new year. Same emotions, different day, same principles need to be applied! Let me know how you are doing this holiday season by posting your comments below, thanks!

The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief

As I travel sharing my personal story of Triumph over Tragedy, these are The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief that I teach to others who want a 1-2-3 blueprint on how to walk out of their emotional pain.

1.      Make sure God is #1 in your life before you experience a crisis.

It’s harder to prioritize a relationship with Christ/God during a crisis, because you are mad with the One (God) that allowed the crisis to come into your life.

2.      Make sure you have a strong support system (a 911 list) to call for help.

Take the time now to nurture relationships that will sustain you in your crisis. These people will become your go to people when the going gets tough.

3.      Make sure your inner circle is filled with positive people.

Positive people will speak life and not death into your circumstances. They will help you to see the bright side or the rainbow in the situation.

4.      Make sure you cultivate an attitude of gratitude!

Meditate, discuss and focus on what you still have left, instead of what was lost or who is no longer here.

5.      Make sure you schedule alone time for yourself.

You need time alone to give yourself time, permission and space to grieve.  You need to process your thoughts, emotions, and develop your plan of action for what you will do next after your crisis is over. Praying is continuous at this stage for wisdom and direction.

6.      Make sure you watch your mouth!

Watch what you say out loud about your situation. You are creating the future of how the crisis will be resolved with your own words. Life and death comes from your speech.

7.      Make sure you appoint a gatekeeper.

Ask someone you trust to be in charge of your domestic cares to manage the traffic of guests, calls, visitors, food, etc. to relieve you of that task.

8.      Make sure you set a goal for yourself of learning something from this crisis.

Catch yourself before your thoughts and conversations make you bitter. Make a goal to become BETTER, not bitter! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

9.      Make sure you confess your stress!

Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about what you are going through. Tell it to Jesus – alone – He is the ONLY ONE who can handle your honesty and will keep your secrets.

10.  Make sure you find the treasure in your trial!

After you identify the treasure in your trial, this will become your motivation to press through the difficulties, pain, and heartaches you will endure. This treasure will give you courage to COME through instead of just going through your crisis.

We all know people who have never been the same after they experienced heart break and pain because of life. We usually refer to them as Auntie So-n-so or Uncle So-n-so who have never been the same since such-n-such happened! Right? I didn’t want to become part of that statistic, I knew I was drunk with grief but I was sober enough to NOT want that to be the end of my story. So, I summoned up the courage to find something worth living for and I found it in the Word of God!

I was left behind for a reason, my time was not up, I still had work to do on earth, I could do it on my own, and my God destiny did not include those who had passed on, jobs that were gone, people who were no longer a part of my circle, etc. etc.

I had everything I needed to make it through this grief journey deposited in me and all I needed to do was pull it up out of me! I wasn’t hopeless, helpless, or a victim anymore – I was a Victor! I chose to triumph over my tragedy; my tragedy didn’t have the power to define me! I shook myself loose from the depression and despair that hung on me like a sweater and dropped it on the floor. I decided to pick up the garment of praise and dance my way out of my tragedy!

Every negative thought was countered with a faith confession! I spoke the Word over myself and the Word began to define me, not my tragedy! I was freed and liberated by the spoken Word of God over my circumstances! I broke the cycle of grief and loss with the Word of God and The Holy Spirit coaching me through!

My message of hope and inspiration to others is, “You can overcome your grief and loss, too, if you want to!” God is no respecter of persons, what He has done for me is offered to you! Accept the work of His Son, Jesus, who has already won this fight – it’s fixed, you win! You win! Get up from the floor and fight back this depression, you already won this fixed fight! Jesus paid it all on the cross and by His stripes we are healed! 

Bernice’s riveting story is featured in her first book My #1 Is Still My #1! In her book she shares about losing half her family twice in two separate auto accidents. She also guides faith-based groups and families coping with profound loss to persevere and believe the unlimited possibilities, even in the face of unimaginable and tragic loss.

To learn more about Bernice Dickey visit http://www.BerniceBrightDickey.com and like her fan page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Author.Bernice.Dickey.

ONE BLESSING!

For some of you the harvest that you are shouting about is nothing compared to the future harvest that you are going to get. But because you are currently faithful over little, get ready for much because much is coming your way. The Bible says that He would "Pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it" (Malachi 3:10). You don't need 50 blessings, you just need ONE BLESSING!

God said that He would bring so much out of that ONE BLESSING that it would overflow out over the edges of your life because you won't have room to contain it! I declare that the ministry of My #1 will be laser focused to accomplish that which God has ordained it to do in the lives of His people. Amen!

Are You Emotionally Ready to Move Forward into 2011?

This holiday season has been very challenging for me for several reasons. In this interview, I share with transparency and authenticity how I have struggled through my own emotional triggers this month and how I decided to move foward (again) in spite of them. Dr. Carolyn Miller, who is also a personal friend, and I talked about the recent deaths of loved ones in my family, along with Miriam making 10 years old and how I underestimated their impact on me.

I share candidly and openly with the listening audience, the process I worked through to gain insight about my emotional issues and how I arrived at the decision to go back into therapy for a season to help me reconcile them. I had to recognize there was a problem before I could confront it. I pray that if you identify with me in this interview that you follow my example and get the help you need to move forward emotionally in 2011!

The Silent Scream of ANGER!

Have you ever looked at your spouse and asked, 'What is wrong with you?' You know that what they are struggling with has nothing to do with you, but you still don't understand their problem. Certain holidays trigger emotional turmoil for them and when you inquire they can't explain it themselves.

 

Today's guest, Howard Eaves, shares some insight on the "Silent Scream" he struggled with for years before he overcame the anger he had for his mom after she became a drug addict when he was 6 years old. His reaction to her addiction was to intentionally numb his emotions and not feel anything for her for 36 years.

 

Listen in as Howard shares the journey God took him on to reconnect with his childhood emotional pain to finally learn how to honor his mother!