Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief

As I travel sharing my personal story of Triumph over Tragedy, these are The Ten Life Principles I learned from my own Journey through Grief that I teach to others who want a 1-2-3 blueprint on how to walk out of their emotional pain.

1.      Make sure God is #1 in your life before you experience a crisis.

It’s harder to prioritize a relationship with Christ/God during a crisis, because you are mad with the One (God) that allowed the crisis to come into your life.

2.      Make sure you have a strong support system (a 911 list) to call for help.

Take the time now to nurture relationships that will sustain you in your crisis. These people will become your go to people when the going gets tough.

3.      Make sure your inner circle is filled with positive people.

Positive people will speak life and not death into your circumstances. They will help you to see the bright side or the rainbow in the situation.

4.      Make sure you cultivate an attitude of gratitude!

Meditate, discuss and focus on what you still have left, instead of what was lost or who is no longer here.

5.      Make sure you schedule alone time for yourself.

You need time alone to give yourself time, permission and space to grieve.  You need to process your thoughts, emotions, and develop your plan of action for what you will do next after your crisis is over. Praying is continuous at this stage for wisdom and direction.

6.      Make sure you watch your mouth!

Watch what you say out loud about your situation. You are creating the future of how the crisis will be resolved with your own words. Life and death comes from your speech.

7.      Make sure you appoint a gatekeeper.

Ask someone you trust to be in charge of your domestic cares to manage the traffic of guests, calls, visitors, food, etc. to relieve you of that task.

8.      Make sure you set a goal for yourself of learning something from this crisis.

Catch yourself before your thoughts and conversations make you bitter. Make a goal to become BETTER, not bitter! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

9.      Make sure you confess your stress!

Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about what you are going through. Tell it to Jesus – alone – He is the ONLY ONE who can handle your honesty and will keep your secrets.

10.  Make sure you find the treasure in your trial!

After you identify the treasure in your trial, this will become your motivation to press through the difficulties, pain, and heartaches you will endure. This treasure will give you courage to COME through instead of just going through your crisis.

We all know people who have never been the same after they experienced heart break and pain because of life. We usually refer to them as Auntie So-n-so or Uncle So-n-so who have never been the same since such-n-such happened! Right? I didn’t want to become part of that statistic, I knew I was drunk with grief but I was sober enough to NOT want that to be the end of my story. So, I summoned up the courage to find something worth living for and I found it in the Word of God!

I was left behind for a reason, my time was not up, I still had work to do on earth, I could do it on my own, and my God destiny did not include those who had passed on, jobs that were gone, people who were no longer a part of my circle, etc. etc.

I had everything I needed to make it through this grief journey deposited in me and all I needed to do was pull it up out of me! I wasn’t hopeless, helpless, or a victim anymore – I was a Victor! I chose to triumph over my tragedy; my tragedy didn’t have the power to define me! I shook myself loose from the depression and despair that hung on me like a sweater and dropped it on the floor. I decided to pick up the garment of praise and dance my way out of my tragedy!

Every negative thought was countered with a faith confession! I spoke the Word over myself and the Word began to define me, not my tragedy! I was freed and liberated by the spoken Word of God over my circumstances! I broke the cycle of grief and loss with the Word of God and The Holy Spirit coaching me through!

My message of hope and inspiration to others is, “You can overcome your grief and loss, too, if you want to!” God is no respecter of persons, what He has done for me is offered to you! Accept the work of His Son, Jesus, who has already won this fight – it’s fixed, you win! You win! Get up from the floor and fight back this depression, you already won this fixed fight! Jesus paid it all on the cross and by His stripes we are healed! 

Bernice’s riveting story is featured in her first book My #1 Is Still My #1! In her book she shares about losing half her family twice in two separate auto accidents. She also guides faith-based groups and families coping with profound loss to persevere and believe the unlimited possibilities, even in the face of unimaginable and tragic loss.

To learn more about Bernice Dickey visit and like her fan page on Facebook at